W.A.I.T.I.N.G. !!!

     Actually,, it's the story of days of waiting and not just moments of waiting ... W.A.I.T.I.N.G. is the worst word ever .. It spells out that hardest times full of mixed ,, opposite emotions.. It carries that awkward state of mind with so many wonders and questions popping up with no definite answers...

     There are moments of waiting pass,, She is so hopeful with her eyes wide-open waiting for his return.. She becomes pretty sure he will not give up.. He will beat his ego and come along to get her back so soon.. She starts counting the seconds left to lean in his arms one more time.. In another moments of waiting ,, She finds herself trapped in the past,, suffering what's called HOPE syndrome all alone in her bed,, and that ambitious spirit turns so quickly to a stage of grief,, disappointment,, dysphoria,, depression,, and finally total break down...

     She spends days of passion,, missing,, loving,, and dreaming of him every single night.. She just focus on that splendid time they spend together.. She still remembers the first time they confessed their love.. She can feel the way he used to touch her.. She has the same feelings when she was looking into his deep eyes.. Every night,, she just closes her eyes,, takes a deep breath,, and she is now in his warm hug having her little fingers playing with his rough chin,, feeling his heart,, his breath and his tenderness...

     Then,, she realizes that he is not there anymore.. he is gone leaving painful tears for her.. He didn't look back.. He didn't hold her hands when she was leaving.. She hates him.. Now,, she is back to reality.. She recalls why they broke up.. Moments of conflicts,, that attributes bothered her and real reasons that drove her to that decision start to show up on more time.. She deserves someone better.. She doesn't wanna see his face ever.. But soon,, she falls again in dreams,, having nothing to do but waiting for his feelings to wake up...

     Time passes with so many questions.. What was her real value in his life??   How many chapters does she occupy in his life story??   Is it bright colored lines or dark dull ones??   As it hurts a lot to come into someone's world and go away just in a glimpse without leaving any print for your presence..  So,, she wonders she was just a woman that passed by in silence or she left a marked unique print wont be forgotten??   Is it positive or negative print ??

     Does he loves her as much as she does?? or She is just a pretty good girl that his friends told him she is (5osara)?? He wanna be with her because it's her or because of his need to get married to anyone?? He wanna come back to her world but his ego trying to stop him?? or he feels better without her?? He is still thinking of her,, remembering their days and their funny situations with a smile as she always does?? or just started over searching for his next woman?? Does he admit that she was right to leave him?? or He is telling his friends she is just a stubborn demanding kid?? He is talking with people about her?? or He just transferred her to his "Recycle Bin"??

     She falls into that dilemma.. If he deserves her,, her love,, and her trust.. If he is Mr. Right she is searching for.. If it was the perfect decision to leave his world.. If it was her fault of leaving or his fault to let her go.. If she still misses him because she is all alone now or she wont feel that beautiful butterflies she felt for him toward anyone else... If it is proper to show him her real feelings that she still wants him back or she should follow her ego and dignity as he does,, and waits for him in silence just because may be he gave up and he is not planning to come back one day...

     It's so difficult to find out he didn't love her from the very beginning.. It's so hurting when she says "I wanna leave" and he just replies "It's OK".. It's so painful when she finds his ego much more powerful than his love to her...

    

      As waiting goes on,, she starts to do that stupid childish approaches.. She gets stuck to her phone everywhere and check it every 5 minutes,, having that obsession that he has called her but she missed it.. She checks his profile waiting for any post or comment reveals how he feels,, and interprets every single word so as to be written for her or about her.. She keeps her eyes looking around for his charming face among strangers in the crowd...

     She stays online.. She is so lonely and bored waiting for his coming.. Till he is there online,, even if they are not talking,, she just feels cherished in his companionship.. She feels they met and talked for a long time.. She is happy as she repeats the words "he is there online for me",, "he is checking my profile right now",, "He may send me HI".. And when he goes offline again,, the black truth comes back telling her it was not real,, and he might have been there for another girl...

Yes,,, she hates facing reality that he wont come back,, She is really hurt,, She knows she has to stand up one more time,, She has to start over and search for her own life.. But,, she is still waiting for him.. She is missing him.. She needs him back.. She does love him...

She wishes he was here right now ...

THAT'S IT !!!